You will be pleased to hear that thanks to a combination of time, motivational literature and a 2am epiphany culminating in me mapping out my entire life, I am feeling much better and more centred than I was when I wrote my last post. Still figuring out a few things but #suchislife am I right, and they're mainly surface level understandable stress-related issues, rather than deep existential angst and a lack of connection to my own thoughts and emotions. Glad to be back. Feeling positive. Eating like a normal person. Bought some wine glasses.

To celebrate my personal renaissance - and also just because I was getting a bit bored and restless but we'll go with the first bit because it sounds heaps more noble - I decided to gallivant off to Notting Hill on Friday and meet Alessia* for some brunch. Yes, I've already used the witty title of this post as a twitter caption accompanying photos from our outing. No, the haters will not stop me from continuing to capitalise on perfection.

We hit up Granger & Co. where I had fries and a cappuccino because apparently that's what "eating like a normal person" means to me, and Less had some absolutely bangin' pancakes. Mainly because she wanted to be able to use the caption 'Flipping Out' on her instagram but we won't tell anyone about that. Coffee was very average, chips were great, lighting was fantastic. I'm finding it really hard to type right now because I have 'Serious' from Legally Blonde The Musical playing on a loop in my head but baby, let's both be strong. That's a line from the song, but also a valid sentiment. Anyway, upon finishing our nutrient-packed meals we were so pleased that London had actually managed to produce some areas of blue sky that we decided to go for a jolly little stroll. 

And what a productive stroll it was.

Given the fact that last time we tried to get some nice British content to send off into cyberspace the air decided to turn blue and ruin everyone's lives, we were both in dire need of a photographic morale boost, and luckily this time around London did Nott disappoint. ;). You're welcome. 

Come for the incredible restaurant reviews, stay for the comedy am I right.

Full disclosure I just got distracted listening to Legally Blonde again for like fifteen minutes but we're back now it's fine. As I was saying, very productive stroll. Absolutely bonkers pictorial harvest, which obviously meant we were both in brilliant moods thereafter and decided to trundle off to the Saatchi Gallery for some cultural enrichment and sculpted cows. It's good to know the important things in life can still hit home on this side of the world. I mean it was also very enjoyable weather and a very aesthetically pleasing area and we had the blessing of each other's company and all that stuff but the main triumph was still the pics. 

The first of many, I assure you. Look out. Plenty more casual leans where that bad boy came from.

Jest aside (it's not really jest, we both know that, but for segue's sake), having Less here is one of the best things that could have happened. I'm loving being able to spend time with the friends I already had here, but there's something entirely different about being around someone you've known for as long as we have each other. We lived through each other's awkward phases and break ups and unnecessarily rebellious mid-teen years, so nothing we say or do needs context because we've already got it. She's more than familiar with my entire timeline of obsessions and I remember very clearly just how wide the headband was that she wore every single day of year six. Honestly being able to go seamlessly from in-depth love life dissection to instagram photo shoot to sitting in silence at Starbucks staring at our phones without having to be constantly switched on or think about anything we say is so frickin comforting, and I think I would feel a lot less settled if she weren't here. Spending the night just hanging out at her place making pasta and watching New Girl isn't exactly the same as being back in Melbourne, but it's close enough. Shoutout to the moon/universe/overlord for setting this lil coinkidink up. Much appresh.

In terms of the overall life planning sesh I briefly mentioned up there, I do feel like I've genuinely had a breakthrough and that is exactly what I needed at this point. I'm sure I've mentioned before that I've always struggled to decide on a specific life path because choosing any one thing to focus on has always felt as though it would mean leaving behind other things I cared equally as much about. I can see myself doing so many different things, and the idea of picking one of them over the others has felt impossible to the point where I pretty much ended up not doing any of them. Well I've cracked it, haven't I. The other night I was thinking about vision boards whilst falling asleep, as you do, in particular how I think a big part of why they tend to work is that creating one forces you to visualise how all the different parts of your ideal life fit and work together. I pondered the intricacies of the universe for a while, and then I started thinking about how I would lay out my perfect life vision board if I were to make one. And that woke me right up.

Considering we didn't even have scissors in our house until today, I didn't exactly have the means to make an actual vision board, but I did have a pen and a creative spirit so I sat up and wrote down a bunch of key words in different sections. Lo and behold, for the first time in my life, everything finally fit together. And that was that. Now it makes sense and seems attainable and I can start actually figuring out how to do it all. Like they're not easy things to do, because I'm me and I'm never going to make things easy for myself am I, but in my mind they're definitely achievable if I play my cards right so I just need to get cracking.

Another contributing factor to my emotional resurrection was the resolution of something I don't think I've really spoken about, namely the fact that towards the end of December I managed to completely wreck my voice and didn't have time through the moving process to fix it. Considering the absolute meltdown I had when I got my tonsils out in year 11 it's pretty safe to say that my mental state and my vocal condition are pretty intrinsically linked, so only being able to access about half my normal range for almost two months was very. very. frustrating. Absolute catastrophe. Just like when Billy Elliot's dad wouldn't let him dance in the ballet but about a thousand times worse because I care a lot more about myself than a fictional northern boy sorry no offense but it's true. Long story short, about a week ago I finally put myself on a vocal rehab plan and today things felt like they were operating normally for the first time in ages and jeeeeeesus I immediately felt so much more happy and calm. God help us all if I ever get strep. Straight up. There will be fire.

So now I'm feeling balanced and positive and there's also conveniently something making me feel slightly vengeful which fun fact is my number one motivation in life, so I'm gonna say this puts everything pretty solidly in place for a stupendous beginning. I still have a LOT of details to work out, but I'm trying to be conscious of my tendency to overthink things and force myself to get things moving instead of planning for a hundred years so we'll see how that goes. All you really need to know for now is that I'm genuinely amped af about pretty much every idea I have at the moment, my output here and on youtube will be getting more consistent very soon and also I remembered to feed myself three separate times today. So things are looking good.

x0

*For context because I don't remember what I've actually posted on here, Alessia has been one of my best school friends since 2003 and by complete coincidence she ended up moving to the UK a week after I did. Yep.