I have not woken up feeling this exhausted after a night of actually having slept in a long time. Christmas was Christmas, and now it's Boxing Day and I'm just very glad I've got today off because I genuinely don't know if I'm going to be capable of leaving my bed, let alone the apartment. Only I might have to do that because I want mac & cheese and I need to get milk before I can make it. I think part of why I'm feeling so stationary is that over the last few days I've finally allowed myself to acknowledge how freaking exhausted I am. Not just from December - although that is part of it - but from this entire year.

2014 has been a year of massive changes and adjustments - some challenging but positive, and some that were just straight up painful and shit - and at this point I'm pretty much exhausted on every level. I'm generally quite content but I'm also completely emotionally drained, and that's meant that for the last few weeks I've been very on-edge and prone to getting upset out of nowhere which isn't like me at all, and that (amongst other factors) has led me to the conclusion that I need a break. 

I didn't intend on this post going in this direction but yolo, apparently it's what I'm thinking about today so have a little bloggy blog exclusive. Imma make a video about it some time probably around my birthday but I've decided I'm going to take January (maybe more, probably not) off from the internet. Mainly this means youtube and twitter, so I might still pop up on here or instagram but I'm really just gonna go with what I feel as I go along, ya know? I'm not having an internet crisis or anything, like I'm not unhappy with how things are at the moment at all, I just feel like the last year has taken pretty much everything out of me and I need some time to myself to recharge.

Like I said, I'm planning to go into it properly in a video and this isn't going into effect now anyway so we needn't worry ourselves about it yet. I'm still going to make videos up until my birthday (January 2nd, if ur a #fakefan and didn't know) so you have those inevitably high-quality occasions to look forward to before I retreat into my hibernation. Technically it's not reall going to be a hibernation because I still have a lot of actual life stuff to do that I can't take time off from, but emotionally I am going to swaddle myself like a small baby and undo the damage wot has been done to my soul this past year. And I am very excited about it.

I feel like it's v important to emphasise that I'm not taking a break because I'm having some sort of crisis, because at this point I feel like I actually have things figured out pretty clearly and I'm quite content, it's just like you know how when you're super overtired you cry a lot more easily? It's like that but imagine I haven't slept since January and after the high-on-life-delusional stage of July to November I've been in the overly-emotional phase for about the last month. When you start off a year with a break up and follow that up with moving out, graduating and starting real life - all while still trying to work through the first part - it's a BIT OVERWHELMING, GUVNAH. And that is why I need to sleep. Only not right now, because that would screw up my sleeping pattern even more.

Lovely.

Mez Chriz.

PS. In case you thought it was missing, Day 24 of Madvent was a video which you can find here.